


This Is a Love Song in My Own Way

by celeste9



Series: Promise [34]
Category: Primeval
Genre: Companionable Snark, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dinner, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Relationship Issues, Rugby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-10 23:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/791355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Becker and Lester try to figure out what they are to each other and what they want out of their future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by fififolle. Title from Fall Out Boy.

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Not even if I--”

“No,” Lester said with an air of finality and exited the kitchen with his coffee.

“Bad luck,” Danny said with false sincerity and too large a hint of amusement, patting Becker on the shoulder.

Becker shrugged him off. “Doesn’t matter. He’s just putting up a front for your benefit, you know, so he doesn’t look bad. I’ll wear him down at home.”

“Sure, mate.”

“You don’t believe me? All I’ve got to do is duck my head and stick out my lip and James is eating out of my hand.” Becker thought for a second and added, “Or get thrown around by a creature, that works, too.”

“You want me to believe you’ve got Lester whipped?” Doubtful didn’t even begin to describe the amount of reluctance on Danny’s face and in his voice.

“I can sense your reservations. It’s all right, you haven’t been back long. Come on, we’re going to see Jess. She’ll set you straight.” Becker pushed Danny in the direction of the door.

When they reached Jess, she gave them a welcoming smile. “Hi, boys.”

“I need you to settle something,” Becker told her. “Tell Danny about how Lester does whatever I ask.”

“I would, Becker,” Jess said, widening her eyes in a display of guilelessness, “if that were true.”

Danny snorted. “That is sad. Even the people you’re positive will back you up won’t.”

“Jess!” Becker exclaimed, aghast and betrayed. “That wasn’t even a lie!” Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration, but still.

She giggled. “I’m sure you’re incredibly persuasive, but I really can’t confirm anything Lester might agree to do after you’ve… charmed him.”

Danny outright laughed and Becker clenched his fist in an attempt to stave off his body’s absurd inclination to blush.

“So that’s how it is?” Danny asked, still laughing. “If only I’d known it was that easy to bring Lester round…”

“You aren’t as pretty as me, I don’t think it would work for you,” Becker said, still rather miffed.

Danny pretended to be offended, clutching a hand to his chest over his heart dramatically. “How completely rude of you to say, Becker. Can you believe him, Jess?”

“Honestly I’m still processing the fact that _that’s_ what he chose to object to, not the idea of you seducing his boyfriend,” Jess said, tapping a few keys on her keyboard.

Becker shrugged. “Clearly he isn’t a threat to me, so why pretend?”

“Now that’s trust,” Danny said with a grin. “Admirable, really, but probably I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re all but married anyway. You should just let the man put a ring on your finger and make it official.”

Becker stared after Danny as he sauntered away. He looked at Jess.

She rolled her eyes. “Don't mind Danny, you know how he is.”

But it wasn’t that, it was… Becker sighed. “He has a point.”

Jess’ whole demeanour changed in a blink of an eye and Becker found himself the object of her entire, single-minded focus. “What do you mean?”

“Come on, Jess, you know.”

“God forbid I actually hear you say it for once. I admit I’ve got pretty good at reading you, but honestly, it’s impossible to ever really know what you’re thinking.”

Becker raised his eyes to the ceiling, his unfocused gaze unable to settle on anything. “He asked me to marry him once, you know. Or maybe it was me who was asking, I’m not entirely sure.” He heard Jess gasp but continued, “I didn’t say no, exactly, but I basically did.”

“When… Um, what…” Jess cleared her throat. “Details, please?”

He kept looking at the ceiling because it was too difficult to look at Jess. “God, it was ages ago. After… after that big fight we had, and after I landed in hospital. While I was recovering. And I… You remember how you told me to speak with him? I finally did and then I… I don’t even know how the hell it happened, but suddenly marriage came up and I… Christ. I panicked. Because James would have done it, he would have married me, even after everything I’d put him through, and now, all these months after, this whole sodding _year,_ I’ve known that, I’ve known that he wants that but I kept going on like nothing was different.”

Well. That was a lot of words strung together. Becker was rather surprised at himself and when he finally turned to Jess, he found the same sentiment on her face.

She gaped at him in silence before eventually saying, “Oh, Becker. I don’t even know what to say.”

“How about, ‘you’re an idiot’? It works for James.”

She smiled but replied, “I don’t think that. At least, not for this. Marriage isn’t something you should agree to for the sake of it and I can’t even begin to imagine what you were feeling at the time.”

“I don’t know what to do. I love him, I really do, and I want to be what he needs, I want to give him what he needs.” Becker stopped and waited, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. “But when I think about actually doing it, actually committing like that, I get bloody terrified. I don’t know if I’m ready or if I ever will be.”

“I know I can’t answer that for you, but I also know that there isn’t some goal you can reach, some line you cross that tells you, okay, this is it. I’m absolutely ready.”

“That would be nice, wouldn’t it? But sometimes I wonder if it isn’t too late. I wonder if James still wants to.” _I don’t know that I’d have me any more, if I were him._

“If he stayed with you this long, after having you turn him down, I think it’s safe to say he still feels the same way. Any idiot could see he loves you. Maybe all he’s waiting for is a sign that you want him to ask.”

“Maybe we missed our moment. Maybe it’s better to just keep the status quo.”

“That’s rubbish,” Jess said and she sounded angry. “That’s nothing but you making excuses.”

“I--”

“You shush. You’re my friend and I love you but you always do this. When it gets too difficult or too personal you do whatever you can to get out of it. You run or you self-sabotage, you hide and make excuses. But you are a grown man, Hilary Becker, and this is your life. Stand up and face it or you’ve only yourself to blame when it comes crashing down.”

It was truly astounding how this tiny slip of a girl could make Becker feel like a smudge of dirt on the bottom of someone’s shoe, or like a badly behaving child who needed a smack on the arse. She was like… “Please don’t ever befriend my sisters. I couldn’t take it.”

Jess laughed a little and then leaned forward, slipping out of her chair, to embrace him. “I mean it. I do love you and I want you to be happy. You believe that, don’t you?”

“Yes, I believe it.”

“Okay. Okay, good,” Jess said and Becker almost thought he heard a delicate sniff. But she pulled away and faced her monitors again quickly enough that he never saw her face. “Go on, I’ve got to work.”

So Becker left, his thoughts churning in his head, directing a lingering gaze to Lester’s office. Before he could change his mind, he sent Lester a text.

_Meet me in my office as soon as you can._

Then Becker went back over to Jess. “Will you switch off the camera in my office, please? Just for a while.” The look she gave him made him hurriedly add, “No, it isn’t like _that._ Please, Jess. I need a moment with him. I need to know no one’s watching.”

She hesitated a tad longer before nodding. “Okay, I will. Only this once.”

He bent down and kissed her cheek. “Thanks. I’ll make it up to you.”

His mobile buzzed and Becker checked the text as he walked. _15 minutes but this had better be fast._

Becker could just picture the long-suffering expression on Lester’s face but it probably meant something that he was going to come anyway, no questions asked. Becker didn’t deserve him.

Almost fifteen minutes to the dot, Lester materialised in Becker’s doorway. “You requested my presence?”

“Close the door, sweetie.”

Lester frowned as he did so, coming closer to Becker but watching him disapprovingly. “Did you call me here for a shag? Because I don’t have time for it.”

Becker didn’t say anything, just tugged an unwilling Lester down into his lap.

While he pushed at Becker’s chest, Lester said, “Come on, Becker, I hate this, it makes me feel like--”

Becker swallowed Lester’s words, holding him close and just kissing and kissing him. Lester stopped trying to struggle, sitting awkwardly on top of Becker’s thighs while his hands stopped pushing and instead tangled into the material of Becker’s shirt.

“I love you,” Becker said against the corner of Lester’s mouth, pressing tiny kisses to Lester’s skin while he let oxygen seep back into his brain. “I know I don’t say it as much as I should, but I do, God, I love you so much.”

“Hils, what on earth? What’s the matter? Has something happened?”

He didn’t know exactly why that upset him, but it did. “No, nothing’s happened. Christ, is it really so strange for me to say that, you immediately assume something’s wrong?”

“No. No, sweetheart, it isn’t strange,” Lester said placatingly.

Still a bit disgruntled, Becker said, “The camera’s off, by the way, so there’s no need to worry about protecting your image.” The bitterness was unintentional, honestly.

Lester laughed quietly and then said, “My image is in shambles around here already, I’m afraid. But Hils, my love, I hope you know that you’re far more important to me than that.”

If that wasn’t a declaration of devotion, Becker didn’t know what was. It made him feel foolish and selfish and sod it all but he didn’t know what to do. He shoved Lester roughly out of his lap, ignoring the surprise and flash of hurt that crossed Lester’s face because he didn’t need to feel any worse than he already did.

There was a light press of fingertips to Becker’s shoulder. “Are you certain that nothing’s wrong?”

Becker lowered his head and stared at the half-finished form at the top of the stack of paperwork on his desk. “I’m sorry I bothered you. I know you have better things to do.”

“It can wait if there’s anything...”

“There’s nothing,” Becker insisted. “I’ll see you later.”

Lester hovered there and then brushed his hand over Becker’s hair once before leaving, closing the door gently behind him.

Becker collapsed onto the paperwork. “You’re a fucking idiot, Becker,” he told himself. He didn’t know what he was doing or what he wanted; everything was a confused, jumbled mess.

Before he entirely knew what he was doing, Becker was holding his mobile to his ear and listening to the ringing.

“Hilary?”

“Hi, Agatha. I’m sorry, is this a bad time?”

“No, no, it’s fine. Is everything all right?”

“Yes, of course, I only… Bugger. Agatha, I just… can I talk to you?” This was pathetic. He was so pathetic. It really wasn’t normal for a person to ring up their boyfriend’s ex-wife for the express purpose of moaning about relationship troubles.

“Always, darling,” Agatha said, sounding worried, like this wasn’t completely weird. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“I’m really not,” Becker admitted. “I’m… I’m afraid I’ve made quite a mess of things.”

“Are you talking about James?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, darling. What’s the matter? Have you had a fight? Do you want me to talk to him?”

In spite of everything, Becker found himself smiling. “No need, but thanks. No, we haven’t fought, exactly. It’s more a matter of… I don’t know. Shit, that’s the problem. I just really don’t know.”

“Whatever’s bothering you, you can tell me. I’m happy to listen.”

Agatha was amazing. Becker needed to look into buying her something nice. “I’ve made terrible mistakes, Agatha, mistakes that I know I can’t ever make up for. And I know James loves me but I don’t know if that’s enough. There are… things… I know he wants, that he’s wanted for a long time, but I don’t know if I can do that for him.”

A long silence stretched on and Becker winced at having unintentionally made that sound dirty. But Agatha said, “I know James and I know he would never want you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“But I don’t know if I want it or not. I… I think I do, sometimes, sometimes I think I’ve never wanted anything else. But then I…”

“You get scared,” she said softly.

Becker closed his eyes. “Yes.”

“It’s okay to be scared, Hilary. Do you think I wasn’t, when I married him? Or, God, when I got pregnant?I was terrified. I loved him but I didn’t know what would happen. And I can guarantee that although he may hide it, James is as scared as you are.”

“I don’t know if I can be what he needs.”

“Darling, that is the first stupid thing you’ve said. You are exactly what he needs, just the way you are. Forgive me if I’m overstepping, but I think he’s what you need as well.”

Becker wondered whether Agatha suspected what he was actually talking about. It didn’t bother him as much as he might have thought it would. “I think you’re right.”

“I always am,” she said with a laugh. “Sometimes when you’re confused, or scared, it helps to remember that. Remember how you feel because that’s what’s most important. All the rest is just… complications. Stuff getting in the way. All of that can be worked through if your feelings are strong enough.”

She made it sound so simple, but maybe it was. Becker knew that he loved Lester more than anything. He knew that when he had a rough day it was Lester he wanted to see. He remembered the overwhelming, horrifying sense of dread he had experienced when he had thought Lester might be lost to him, the absolute hopelessness that had loomed in front of him when he thought of living his life without Lester.

Yes, his feelings were strong enough.

“I hope that helps,” Agatha said when Becker didn’t reply.

“It does,” Becker told her. “It really does. Thank you.”

“Of course. James rarely made use of my willing ear when we were married, but I’m glad I can be a help to you both now.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Becker said honestly. “How are the kids?”

“Driving me crazy, as always. David’s taken up the guitar, did you know?”

“James told me.”

“He’s terrible, poor dear. Completely tone-deaf. It breaks my heart to see him so frustrated. James plays so wonderfully and the twins have always been musical, so it’s rough on him.” There was an awkward pause. “You do know James plays the guitar, don’t you?”

“Yes, I know,” Becker said, recalling the memory of Lester first playing for him with pleasure. “He hid it for a while but I found out.”

“I don’t know why he’s so sensitive about it, he plays beautifully. Anyway, Henry just got dumped by his girlfriend. He’s trying to pretend he doesn’t care but he’s being as insufferable as he was when you first met him.”

“Lovely. He must be such a joy to be around.” Becker’s heart twinged a bit for the kid, though. He still remembered how it felt to be that age, when sometimes the smallest thing felt like the world was ending. He wondered if there was something he could do that Henry would accept.

“The house is full of happiness of late, can’t you tell?” Agatha said wryly. “Julia barely leaves her room, she’s obsessed with studying.”

 _The little nerd,_ Becker thought fondly. She got her dedication and her work ethic from Lester, for better or for worse. “She’s a smart girl.”

“She’s brilliant. I just wish she’d remember that it’s all right to have fun every now and then.”

“Well, if you ever need a break, feel free to ship one or more of them over to us. Let them work out their stress on me.”

“Don’t be silly, the children love you.”

Becker didn’t respond. He didn’t know how Lester and Agatha could both be so sure of that but then, they weren’t Becker’s children. He didn’t know them like their parents did.

He wished he could just accept it, he wished he could accept that they truly didn’t mind him being around all the time. Somehow, though, he couldn’t break himself free of that last bit of insecurity. He couldn’t yet make himself believe that they considered him as much a part of their family as he considered them to be a part of his.

Agatha’s voice was faintly hushed and concerned when she spoke again. “Hilary, please tell me the children don’t have anything to do with whatever it is you’ve been struggling with.”

“I could tell you that, but…” _But it would be a lie._

“I’m not humouring you when I say that they care about you. And I don’t just mean David. They all care about you.”

“Yes, I suppose.”

“You aren’t going to tell me what this is really about, are you? Not even if I ask?”

Becker hesitated. “No, I think I should have it out with James first.”

“Of course, darling,” Agatha said in that soothing way of hers. Becker thought she must be a wonderful mother. “I’m sure it will all work out. James loves you, he really does.”

“I know. Agatha, I’d better let you go, I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

“Well, if you’re sure. Enjoy the rest of your day, all right?”

“Bye.” Becker disconnected and sat drumming his fingers against the desk, pondering whether he should simply continue on with his day and get through some of the paperwork he had been putting off.

In the end he left his office for Lester’s. He’d been kind of an arse and he wanted to apologise, lest Lester get the wrong impression.

Becker tapped on Lester’s door and came in when Lester acknowledged him, warily meeting Becker’s eyes over his laptop. “Something more I can do for you, Becker?”

Becker came around to the front of the desk, settling onto one corner. “Sorry I was weird.”

“I suppose I should be used to it.”

“That’s rude, darling, I’m apologising.”

“So you are,” Lester said, leaning back slightly in his chair. “On that note, I’m willing to reconsider your suggestions about the flat. Perhaps I was too hasty in my decision.”

“You see, this is the problem. You only ever give in to my whims when there aren’t any witnesses.” Lester seemed puzzled so Becker said, “Never mind. But thank you. Are you working late tonight?”

“Yes and it’s becoming later all the time as someone continues interrupting me.”

The two of them looked to the door as they heard a knock. Matt was standing outside, faintly smirking as he peered in at them. “All right, I’m going, honey,” Becker said as he slid off the desk. “I’ll have dinner for you when you get home.”

“You don’t--”

“It’s no trouble. I’ll come and see you before I leave. That is, if it wouldn’t be too much of a burden on you.”

“I suppose I could spare a few seconds for you,” Lester said with the air of a king granting a boon to a lowly subject.

Becker raised Lester’s hand and kissed the back of it. “That’s wonderfully considerate of you.” He met Matt at the door, holding it open for him. “He’s all yours.”

“I don’t think he’ll appreciate what I’ve got to say,” Matt said under his breath. “I hope you softened him up a bit.”

“Doubtful,” Becker said and left them to it.

-

After a late dinner that night, Becker and Lester were sitting in the living room watching an old episode of Top Gear, but Becker’s thoughts were very much not on the programme. “If you weren’t happy, you would tell me, wouldn’t you?”

Lester kept his eyes on the TV and responded with a question of his own. “Do you think I’m unhappy?”

Two could play that game. “If you wanted something, wouldn’t you ask for it?”

“I think you know me well enough to know I never have trouble communicating what I would like.”

“That’s not... If there was something you wanted from me, something you needed from me, I would want you to ask.”

For a moment, as Lester looked at him, Becker thought he understood. For a moment Becker thought that Lester might ask. He felt like his heart was stuck in his throat and he didn’t know what he would say.

But then Lester looked back at the TV and said, “I am perfectly content.”

Becker felt a mixture of relief and disappointment wash over him and they didn’t speak again.


	2. Chapter 2

James came home after work and tried to be as silent as possible as he moved through the flat, in case Becker was asleep. He had hardly seen Becker all week, let alone had the chance to sleep with him (and he did literally mean sleeping, but there hadn’t been any of the other kind either). Becker had worked a series of night shifts so they had been operating on opposing schedules.

The ADD had gone off around three that morning and Becker hadn’t returned until twelve, exhausted enough that he had yawned in the middle of his report to James. James had sent him straight home.

He found Becker in the bedroom, as he had expected. Becker looked like he’d simply collapsed onto the bed, shirtless but still wearing his black combat trousers and his socks. James hoped Becker hadn’t got any blood or dirt on his trousers because there was a good chance that by now it would have rubbed off onto the bedspread. Not that he was more concerned about the mess than Becker. Really.

James went to stand by the side of the bed, running the tips of his fingers over the side of Becker’s face. Miraculously, Becker’s hair was still nearly perfectly in place, with only a few strands falling onto his forehead.

Becker opened his eyes at James’ touch and blinked blearily. “Home already?”

“It is the normal time, you know.” Slightly earlier than was normal for James, though, it must be said. “You must have slept the whole afternoon.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.” Becker stretched his arm out, tugging at James’ tie. “Join me?”

For a moment James considered turning him down, saying that he should start on dinner, but only for a moment. He was far too tempted to even try denying it. He shrugged out of his suit jacket and laid it over the back of a chair before getting on the bed. As he lay down on his side facing Becker, Becker shifted closer and slung his arm across James’ waist and his leg over James’ thighs, tucking his face in against James’ chest.

Sleeping with Becker often made James feel somewhat like a human teddy bear. It had been disconcerting at first, but, not that he would ever tell Becker so, he found it rather comforting now. James supposed Becker’s love of touch was a result of the way he had grown up - his sisters were all quite physically affectionate.

It came much less naturally to James but he was trying. He knew Becker liked the comfort that came with touch, the reassurance of it, so James tried for him. Of course, it didn’t hurt that touching Becker had never exactly been a hardship.

Becker’s breathing had already evened back out into sleep and James used the time to refamiliarise himself with his lover’s body, skimming his hands over the long length of Becker’s back. The last time Becker had taken on this many night shifts it had been the prelude to what remained the worst fight of their entire relationship. James couldn’t deny a faint thread of apprehension because of that fact, but it didn’t feel the same. Becker had been unaccountably moody of late but also increasingly sentimental. While it was odd, James wasn’t too concerned. Confused, certainly, and curious, but not terribly concerned.

He thought that Becker might be working through some things. What, exactly, James had no idea, but he was willing to give Becker the space he seemed to need. Whatever he needed to come to terms with, he would do it in his own time and it was no use fretting over it.

The sudden ringing of Becker’s mobile was harsh in the silence. Becker jerked awake, reflexively seeking a weapon as he tended to do when he was startled awake, and mumbled, “Fucking hell,” as he regained his awareness of the situation.

James stretched over Becker to lean over the side of the bed, reaching for the pile of Becker’s things he’d simply dumped onto the floor. He grabbed the mobile and looked at the number. “It’s Matt.” He accepted the call and said, “Lester.”

“Oh, James,” Matt said, sounding hurried. “Is Becker there?”

“He’s napping. What do you want?”

“ADD just went off. He’s still on-call so I was hoping he could meet us at the site.”

“Why can’t you--” James started before Becker wrestled the phone out of his grip.

“Yeah, Matt,” Becker said, sitting up and pressing his hand down against James’ chest. “Anomaly?” He listened for a while and then said, “Yes, all right, I’ll see you in a bit.” Disconnecting, Becker pushed himself off the bed and bent down to retrieve the discarded pile of his possessions.

“What do you think you’re doing?” James asked.

Becker’s voice was muffled as he pulled his shirt over his head. “Matt needs my help.”

James swung his legs over the edge of the mattress. “Why on earth are you still on-call? You’ve been running yourself ragged all week and you need to rest. Matt shouldn’t have called you.”

“Yes, he should have. It’s my team; I want to be there.” Becker moved closer to stand just in front of James’ knees, grasping James’ shoulders. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Actually, as your boss, telling you what to do is my job.”

Becker leaned down until his face was on a level with James’. “Are you going to order me not to go?”

James gazed into Becker’s face and then sighed. “No.”

Becker gave him a lingering kiss before straightening and grabbing for his mobile. “I’ll see you later. Sorry about the no sex thing again. Think about me when you have a wank, yeah?”

Rolling his eyes, James said, “I’ll keep dinner for you.”

“Thanks, baby,” Becker said with a saucy grin as he headed for the door.

“I may have to reconsider after that.”

“You like it when I call you baby,” Becker insisted and was gone before James could respond.

“Idiot,” James said to himself. This was the man he hoped to spend his life with? Sometimes James questioned his sanity.

-

James blinked his eyes as he adjusted to the light, noticing Becker leaning over him and tugging an open book out of James’ lax grip. He must have fallen asleep.

“Sorry,” Becker whispered and set the book on the bedside table.

“What time is it?”

“Half eleven. I’m only here for a bit then I’m back off to the ARC.”

James reached out to take Becker’s hand, running his thumb along the back of it. “What did you do to your hand?”

Becker flexed his split knuckles and said wryly, “It wasn’t creatures that came through the anomaly this time. I’m afraid I was forced to take drastic measures.”

“Humans came through? I should--” James started to get up, mind filling with the implications, but Becker held him down.

“No, it’s all taken care of, no need to worry. You’ll get our reports tomorrow.”

James pursed his lips but relented. He trusted Becker to be honest with him. “Let me see to your hand.”

“This? It’s nothing, just needs a quick wash.”

“I’ll take care of it,” James said and got out of bed, knowing that Becker would follow him. He went into the bathroom and got out the first aid kit, waiting expectantly for Becker to come to the sink.

He did, hopping up onto the counter and holding his hand out. James sighed and let Becker’s obnoxiousness slide. He washed Becker’s hand carefully and then dabbed the knuckles with antibacterial cream, covering it with some gauze and securing it with tape.

“You’ve got good at this,” Becker said, inspecting his hand.

“Cleaning up after your messes? I’ve had a lot of practice.” James put the supplies back into the cabinet under the sink.

“Whatever would I do without you?”

“Lead a sad, sad life, I expect.”

Becker’s expression had become oddly soft and introspective and he pushed himself down off the counter. “Hey, I’m starving. Didn’t you promise me dinner?”

“I made pasta, should be easy enough to reheat.”

“You’re brilliant,” Becker said and pressed an unexpected kiss to James’ temple.

_Increasingly sentimental_ , James thought to himself. It was strange. “I’m well aware, but flattery is always appreciated.”

In the kitchen, James removed the leftover pasta from the refrigerator and warmed up a large serving in the microwave. He got a glass of water for himself and sat with Becker in the dining room while Becker ate.

“I’m just going to finish eating and then leave; why don’t you go to bed?” Becker suggested. “It’s late and I imagine you’ll be wanting to go in to work early.”

With people on the wrong side of an anomaly, of course James would be going in early. “That is true, but I’m awake now. I may as well see you when I have the chance.”

Becker frowned at his bowl. “Right. I’m sorry about my schedule; I’ll be getting back to days soon.”

“You don’t have to apologise. You’re allowed to set the schedules you want for you and your team.”

After a stretch of silence, Becker mumbled, eyes on the table, “If you don’t like it, you could change it.”

Puzzled, James said only, “Why would I do that? All it would do is create more work for me and undermine your authority.”

“It’s so easy for you to separate, isn’t it? Being my boss and being my lover.”

Well, this was certainly a strange turn of events. James might have thought he was still asleep and dreaming if not for the way he could clearly recall everything he’d done to arrive here. “What conversation are we having, exactly?”

Becker met James’ eyes, his face full of a strange kind of desperation. “You’re allowed to be upset, you know. You can tell me my schedule sucks and that I should change it.”

“I don’t want to be the sort of person who thinks he can run his partner’s life.”

“That’s not what I want either.”

“Then what is the problem?”

Becker ran his fingers through his hair, giving James the distinct impression that if he’d had less fondness for his hair, he would have been pulling at it in frustration. “I want you to feel like you can ask! I want you to know that your opinion matters, that we _are_ partners. In everything.”

“I know that already.”

“Do you?” Becker stood up and carried his bowl into the kitchen, leaving James with the same confused feeling he’d been having far too frequently with Becker of late.

He hoped Becker figured out whatever it was he was trying to figure out soon because it was driving James crazy.

-

“I have to admit,” Jess said, her eyes wide, “I’m feeling a bit jealous at the moment.”

“ _I’m_ feeling a bit jealous,” Connor said, staring equally hard at Becker running around on the pitch and earning a playful bump from Abby.

“Please,” James said, sniffing. “He’s covered in filth, it’s disgusting.”

“It’s wonderful,” Jess said, still sounding rather in awe. “God, he’s fit. How often does he work out, do you think? I bet he can do a lot of press-ups.Do you watch? I would, if I were you.”

“Close your mouth, Miss Parker, you’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Do you think he’ll introduce me to one of his fit, single friends?”

James sighed. He should have known that Becker inviting them all to the rugby sevens match he’d arranged with his old teammates from school would end up being a terrible idea. The only positive was that Danny was stuck at the ARC.

Rugby was a ridiculous sport. Who wanted to watch a bunch of men in little shorts running around with oddly shaped balls and grappling with each other in the mud? Becker was going to be grimy and sweaty and possibly bloodied, and it would be awful. Not hot. At all. He wasn’t enjoying himself one bit.

Becker was good at it, though. James knew enough about rugby from watching Henry’s matches to recognise skill when he saw it. He could well imagine teenage Becker the popular, fit rugby star at his posh school. Tosser.

James couldn’t help a wince as he watched Becker get the worst end of a tackle. Becker was going to be covered in bruises and it just figured that the one thing Becker and Henry had in common was a love for this stupid sport. When they both ended up with something broken they could suffer together and James wouldn’t be the tiniest bit sympathetic, he really wouldn’t.

“That’ll leave a mark,” Matt said in commiseration.

“I expect the daft bugger will be a solid bruise underneath the muck by the time this is over.”

“Yes, and I expect he’ll need a lot of comforting.” Matt was smirking. He did that a lot, now; James much preferred the time when Matt’s only expressions had been varying degrees of bland.

“Oh, God, he’ll be miserable.” Becker might put up a good, manly front, but James had discovered that when Becker was feeling grotty he liked a nice cuddle and a little bit of fussing. But not too much - there was a delicate balance that James had suffered many headaches over trying to figure out. “Jess, I don’t suppose it would be appropriate to ask you to volunteer to cuddle Becker?”

Jess laughed. “I don’t think either of you would be particularly happy with that arrangement.”

“You try putting up with him when he’s in a mood, you’d be begging to be rid of him,” James insisted.

“If he’s such a burden, why don’t you simply get rid of him then?” Emily asked, quite seriously and practically, though there was a glimmer of humour twinkling in her eyes.

Matt chuckled. “Yes, James, why don’t you? You don’t seem the type to keep things you don’t want.”

The whole lot of them were watching James now instead of the match, barely choking back their laughter. “Well,” James said, determinedly keeping his own focus on Becker. “I wouldn’t want to do that to Becker. It would crush him, you know, losing me.”

“Oh, of course,” Abby said. “It’s noble of you, really.”

“We all must make sacrifices for our fellows.”

Connor snorted. “Oh, was that what you were doing when I caught you leaving the storage closet last week? Sacrificing yourself for the greater good?”

Becker ran across the try line, stumbling and falling nearly on his face as someone lunged and grabbed at his calves. Everyone cheered for him and he disappeared into a pile of his teammates, blowing James a kiss when he resurfaced. So he was a showman, too; that figured.

“Gosh, what a tremendous sacrifice it is,” Jess said, leaning into James. “I’m so sorry for you.”

“He looks silly when he runs,” James said and then proceeded to ignore her.

When the match ended (Becker’s side winning, which was not at all a surprise to James), James went to find Becker and meet his friends.

“James!” Becker said cheerfully, catching sight of him. Becker did, in fact, have dirt all over him, not to mention a few suspicious bits that were probably drying blood. His hair was in a tangle, wind-blown and sweat-sticky. “As the victor, I’m owed a kiss, I think.” He grinned and smacked a kiss to James’ mouth before seizing him in a tight hug.

James tried shoving at Becker’s chest before realising he was only getting his hands dirty. “Becker, honestly, you stink to high heaven and I don’t even want to know what manner of filth you’re transferring to me.”

“Admit it, you think it’s hot.”

“I certainly do not.”

“You’re a liar,” Becker breathed into James’ ear, insufferably smug. “I can feel how much you’re lying.”

James went back to shoving because he was already soiled anyway, finally succeeding in getting Becker to move away from him, though Becker only turned his amusement towards his friends.

“Everyone, this is James, my,” Becker hesitated slightly, “partner. James, everyone.”

No one looked particularly surprised, which meant Becker must have mentioned him, which was something James didn’t quite know how to feel about.

“You’ll be coming down the pub with us, right, James?” asked a burly blond who looked like he could carry James around on his back and barely notice the weight.

“I bet we’ve got some stories about Becks you’ve never heard,” added a man with mousy brown hair, freckles, and an infectiously jovial smile.

“First round’s on me, then,” James said to a chorus of laughter.

Becker’s face went a shade paler underneath its dirt.

-

“You punched him,” James repeated. He glanced around the table for confirmation.

Becker shrugged. “No one ever laughed at my name again.”

Becker’s friend Eric, the one with the big smile, pitched in, “The poor kid came to class the next morning with a black eye and Becker asked him, cool as you please, had he fallen down the stairs?”

The table erupted in laughter and Becker was grinning, pleased with himself. “He was lucky I didn’t knock out a tooth; I went easy on him, honestly.”

James just shook his head, not quite able to suppress his own smile.

“Becks didn’t just break people’s faces though, he was a real heartbreaker,” said a man who looked like he’d been in a few too many brawls himself, his nose permanently crooked. They called him Ace, for some reason which James had so far failed to grasp.“Hard to imagine him doing the long-term thing.”

“You’re just sore that I didn’t go for men when you still had a shot at me,” Becker teased.

Ace snorted. “You can keep your pansy arse, mate.”

“I’ll keep it, actually, thank you,” James said and let his hand drop obviously from the table to Becker’s thigh, much to the group’s amusement.

“What’s partner mean, then? Just a posh way of saying boyfriend or are you, what do they call them, life partners?”

James glanced to Becker to see if he wanted to field that particular minefield of a question, but Becker was studiously gazing into his beer, his eyes gone distant.

So James said, “We’re still figuring that out ourselves. Another round?”

And that was that.


	3. Chapter 3

Becker awoke with Lester curled into him, his head having somehow slipped off the pillow during the night to tuck against Becker’s chest. Carefully moving Lester’s arm from where it stretched over his waist, Becker pushed himself up and away. Without the crutch of Becker to lean against, Lester flopped onto his stomach, mumbling something in his sleep. Becker tugged one of the pillows over and manoeuvred it beneath Lester’s head before going into the bathroom.

He had a piss and brushed his teeth, then returned to the bedroom to find something to go running in. On his way to the dresser, though, he paused and just looked at Lester. Lester always looked younger when he was asleep, the lines of his face relaxed and smoothed out and his hair in disarray. Becker sat down on the bed and traced his hand over the bumps of Lester’s spine and the faint outline of his ribs. He was too skinny; the more stress he was under, the less he seemed to eat. Becker remembered how much weight Lester had dropped after Becker’s accident with the _Carcharodontosaurus_ and how long it had taken for him to gain any of it back. At the following Christmas, his mother had shoved a generous plate of leftovers and what was left of the pudding into Becker’s arms and made him promise that he would make Lester eat it.

Sometimes Becker wondered what Lester had done without him, all on his own. He didn’t take very good care of himself, always putting his own needs second to everything else. Basic things like eating and getting enough sleep apparently weren’t that important.

“It’s lucky you have me,” Becker said softly, pulling the blankets further up over Lester’s back.

It hit him, suddenly, that he wanted… He wanted Lester, always. He wanted to always be there to force Lester to eat a sandwich so he wouldn’t go eight hours with nothing in him but coffee, to take Lester’s laptop away so he wouldn’t work all night, to shove him out the door so he could have a little sunshine. He wanted to be there to rub the tension out of Lester’s muscles and to just sit with him in silence when Lester had had a bad day and wanted nothing but the comfort of another person’s presence, even if he’d never ever ask for it.

Maybe even more importantly, he wanted Lester to _know_ that Becker wanted to be with him. Because Becker knew that Lester would stay with him always but he didn’t know if Lester knew that Becker wanted that, too.

Lester was what Becker wanted more than anything and that didn’t scare him any more.

He kissed Lester’s neck, moving slowly up to his chin, over his jaw and to the side of his face. Lester just barely twitched underneath him, coming awake gradually.

“I’m tired, Hils, come on,” Lester mumbled and tried to turn his face into the pillow.

“I love you,” Becker said and kissed Lester’s earlobe.

“Mmhmm, that’s nice, but you can tell me later.”

“I want to marry you,” Becker said into Lester’s ear and suddenly Lester became much more alert. “Will you still have me?” The words were so much easier to say than Becker had ever thought they would be.

Lester rolled onto his back, blinking upwards into Becker’s face. He trailed the backs of his fingers over Becker’s cheek. “If you don’t already know the answer to that, you really are an idiot.”

Feeling a smile spread across his face, Becker thought about how weird their relationship was, that Lester could say, ‘idiot’ but Becker heard, ‘I love you.’ He leaned in for a kiss and Lester tilted his face upwards, clearly having the same idea. Their noses bumped together and Becker laughed. “You’d think that we would have figured out this kissing thing by now.”

“Clearly we need more practice.”

That was possibly the best idea Becker had ever heard. They managed to align themselves properly this time, mouths sliding together and Lester’s hands warm at the back of Becker’s neck. If he could have this, always, if Lester could be his, then Becker thought he could be happy. He didn’t need anything else but this. He rested his lips against Lester’s throat, over the racing pulse that was a mirror to his own. _I can have this,_ he thought. _I can have this._

“Why am I not surprised that you had this revelation while I was naked in bed?” There was a slight quiver in Lester’s voice, slight enough that Becker doubted anyone else would have noticed it, and his hands were shaking where they pressed against Becker’s skin.

Becker mouthed Lester’s throat and tried not to think about what that meant. “Because we’ve already established that I only love you for your body?”

“Well, we’ll just have to leave this part out when we tell my kids.” Lester’s formidable composure was returning with every second that went by, their banter grounding them in a sense of normalcy even though nothing was ever going to be the same again.

“You haven’t actually said yes yet, you know.”

“If you wanted a proper yes, you should have made a proper proposal. I believe you’re supposed to get down on your knee.” The way Lester could still manage to sound imperious while he was naked and on his back was a thing of wonder. Becker loved it.

“Oh, darling,” Becker said as he kissed his way down Lester’s chest. “If you want me on my knees, all you have to do is ask.”

-

On Monday morning, Becker may have purposely hung about Jess’ station, chatting about inconsequential things with a permanent smile on his face. He felt like he hadn’t stopped smiling for an entire day. If he also happened to be hoping that Jess would give him an excuse to tell her the news (which he would never admit to), he wasn’t disappointed.

“What are you grinning about?”

“Lester and I are getting married.” There, he’d said it. It was the first time he’d said it aloud and it felt like now, now that it was out in the world, it was finally true. Shit, he was getting married. He was marrying Lester. Becker smiled wider.

Jess’ mouth dropped open but she was silent for only an instant before she flung her arms around Becker’s neck. “Oh my God!” she squealed, her voice going even higher than usual. “That’s wonderful, that’s brilliant! I’m so happy for you! Oh my God, you’re getting married! When did it happen? How did he ask you?”

“Yesterday morning and it was me who asked, actually.”

“What, really? You asked Lester?” Jess sounded surprised enough that Becker was a little offended.

“Why is that so surprising? Am I so obviously the woman in our relationship?”

“I don’t think you want me to answer that.”

“Why, Jess Parker,” Becker said with a mock glare. “I thought we were friends.”

“It’s because we’re friends that I won’t lie to you.”

“You wicked girl, I don’t have to stay and listen to this.”

He listened to the light sound of Jess’ laughter as he swept off and then heard her call, “Becker, Lester’s waving at you, I think he wants to talk to you.”

“Bugger, he can’t possibly have thought of something to yell at me for already,” Becker said as he went back to Jess. Trust Lester to ruin his dramatic exit.

“Perhaps he just wants you to know that he loves you?” Jess suggested in a hesitant voice, like she didn’t believe it herself.

The two of them watched Lester as he stood at the top of the steps outside his office that led down to the hub, the glare on his face evident even at that distance. Becker looked at Jess, who shrugged and said, “Perhaps not.”

So Becker made his way to Lester’s office and stopped in front of his lover. Fiancé? That was what they were now, wasn’t it? “Can I help you with something, sweetie?” He tried for a winning smile.

Lester’s arms were crossed over his chest and he was tapping the fingers of one hand against his opposite arm. “I couldn’t help but notice your little display. You told her, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did. I wasn’t aware it was meant to be a secret.”

“It isn’t, not exactly, but we’ve been at the ARC for less than an hour and you told _Jess._ By lunchtime the cleaning staff will know we’re getting married.”

“Yes, I see your point. But I’m happy about it and I saw Jess and I just couldn’t help myself,” Becker said honestly, deciding he couldn’t be arsed to say otherwise. He was happy and why should he pretend he wasn’t? He pretended he cared less than he did all the time and just once, he wasn’t going to.

Lester turned away slightly, pinching the bridge of his nose. Becker resisted the urge to go over to him and take him in his arms, like he would have done if they’d been... well, most anywhere that wasn’t Lester’s office. “What are you thinking, James? Did I really screw up?”

“No,” Lester said with a sigh. “I’m only trying to remind myself to be irritated with you. It’s dreadfully hard with you looking like that.”

Becker’s mouth twitched. “I’m sure you can imagine how sorry I am.”

“Which is to say, not at all?”

“Ah, you know me so well. But look on the bright side. Now we won’t have to tell anyone else the news. Jess is terribly efficient.” Maybe he should have led with that. Surely Lester didn’t want to have to spread the news himself and it wasn’t as though he could honestly think they could keep it a secret.

Lester scowled. “Would it have been so much to ask to keep it to ourselves for one day?”

Becker digested that because, huh. Not what he’d been expecting. “Is that why you’re mad? Because you wanted to keep it private for a little bit? James, that’s... that’s really quite sweet of you, you big softie.”

“It’s suddenly becoming much easier to remember my irritation.”

And then Becker decided to hell with propriety and cupped his hands around Lester’s hips. “I should have asked what you wanted. I’m sorry. I suppose I wasn’t thinking.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lester said and swayed forward into Becker just a little bit, his hair brushing Becker’s chin. “I underestimated how pleasurable it must be to be engaged to me. I shouldn’t be surprised you were simply unable to contain your excitement.”

“Arsehole,” Becker said with a laugh, pressing a quick kiss down onto Lester’s head. “But you’re my arsehole.” He winced. “That came out wrong, didn’t it?”

Lester’s face was impassive but his eyes were smiling. “Idiot.”

-

Becker had been in his office for maybe half an hour before the rest of the team crowded in to talk to him. He leaned back in his chair, that stupid, giddy smile on his face again. “Jess told you?”

“I’d congratulate you, but I don’t know if an impending marriage to Lester is exactly the kind of thing that needs congratulations,” Matt said with a grin.

“I’m sure Lester would tell you that you’ve got it backwards.”

“Clearly you deserve each other, then.”

“Oh, get up,” Abby said impatiently. “Come on, I think a lot of hugging is in order.”

Because he knew it would be hopeless to resist, Becker just got up and let her hug him, followed by an enthusiastic Connor and then a slightly more reserved Emily. Matt and Danny satisfied themselves with handshakes and back slapping, which was definitely fine with Becker.

“So how do we do this, then?” Danny asked. “Stag do for both of you at once?”

Becker shuddered. What a horrible thought. “There isn’t a chance in hell either of us are letting you plan a stag do, Danny.”

Danny blithely ignored him. “That doesn’t seem right. Must be a stag do for Lester and a hen party for you.”

“Piss off, you wanker,” Becker said with a glare while the rest of the team laughed, giving Danny far too much credit. It hadn’t been that funny.

“You’re going to look beautiful in white,” Danny mused.

Becker consoled himself by mentally going through the nearly innumerable ways he could kill Danny with nothing more than the items in his office.

-

Becker was making tea in the break room when Lieutenant Russell came in. To be honest, Becker thought his friend might have been avoiding him, but he supposed that wasn’t terribly surprising. They almost never talked about Lester if they didn’t have to.

“So I heard Lester’s finally making an honest man out of you.”

Becker dropped a tea bag into his mug. He wondered if it made him a coward for being grateful he didn’t have to tell Russ the news himself. “Why does everyone immediately assume he’s the one who proposed? No, don’t answer that.”

Russ gripped Becker’s shoulder. “Congratulations, Becks. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” Becker said, appreciating the sincerity and the gesture for what it was. “I’m… I’m just glad I didn’t fuck it up.”

“Right.” Russ shifted his weight uneasily.

That was as close as they’d come to acknowledging what had transpired between the three of them since, well, since it had happened. That awful night it had all blown up was burned in Becker’s memory. He remembered standing rooted in place in the corridor, staring at the spot where Lester had been, where Lester had essentially told him to fuck off. He remembered Connor, angry and disappointed, and he rememberedRuss. The confusion on Russ’ face, the dawning understanding and the regret. They’d fought, Becker had nearly hit him, but it hadn’t been Russ he was angry at; he’d been furious at himself.

That had easily been one of the worst nights in Becker’s entire life.

And now it was all in the past. Forgiven, but certainly not forgotten. It was always going to be between them no matter how much Becker might wish otherwise. Russ was his friend, still, but they could never again be what they used to be.

The silence stretched on until it verged on awkward, but then Russ said, “By the way, I should probably thank you. You won me twenty quid.”

It was sad that Becker wasn’t surprised at all to know the lads had been running a pool on him and Lester. “What was the actual bet?”

“Actually, there were--”

“No, never mind,” Becker interrupted. “I don’t want to know the answer to that either.” Some things he was really better off not knowing.

Russ grinned and saluted him. “Not a word, boss.”


	4. Chapter 4

It came as no surprise at all to James that Jess was the first to come and see him after Becker let slip the news. She was standing just in front of the desk, her hands clasped behind her back like she was intentionally restraining herself.

“Miss Parker. What can I do for you?”

“If an employee were to hug her boss unexpectedly and, I’m sure, without it being wanted, would that be considered sexual harassment?”

“It very well could be, yes.”

“And if there were extenuating circumstances? Is there any possibility that an exception could be made?”

James pushed his chair back and stood up. “Just get it over with, Jess.”

Jess threw herself at him quite dramatically, squeezing him with a strength that belied her tiny, thin arms. “This is the best news! I couldn’t be happier for you.”

James realised he was petting her hair and immediately disentangled himself. “Well, I’m glad we got that out of our systems so that we can all return to our day. Thank you for the sentiment.”

Unfortunately, it seemed Jess wasn’t quite finished. “I have to admit I was surprised when Becker told me he asked you. I thought surely it would be the other way around.”

“He told you that? Did he tell you the whole bloody story too?”

“No, actually, and I didn’t ask. I’m sure it must be a dirty story. I can’t imagine any proposal made by Becker to you could be fit for general audiences.”

“What if I told you Becker took me out for a nice dinner and then we went for a long walk, during which he dropped to one knee and proposed under the stars?”

Jess giggled. “I’d say you were lying and not even trying to be convincing.”

“No, that doesn’t sound at all like us, does it?”

“I could see you doing that,” Jess said immediately, looking alarmingly sincere. “I think under your mask of indifference you can be quite romantic, when you want to be.”

James decided not to tell her that when he had proposed to his ex-wife, it had in fact borne some resemblance to the story he’d just told her. He’d been young and silly, then, young and silly and in love. “That’s a filthy falsehood and I’d thank you never to repeat it.”

“It’s no good denying it when I know where you took Becker for his birthday. You even baked his cake yourself.”

“Good lord, does he tell you everything?”

“Well, I am very easy to talk to,” Jess said, smiling. “And I know exactly what sort of questions to ask.”

“Of course,” James sighed. He should be resigned to the fact his private life was never going to be private around here, he really should be.

Jess made as if to leave but then stopped and said something else, her voice dropping low. “Lester... You were waiting for him to ask you, weren’t you? You were waiting for him to be ready.”

James swallowed convulsively. Jess spent entirely too much time in the background, watching people.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer. Just... I hope he realises how lucky he is to have someone who loves him like you do. Not everyone could be so patient.”

Her gaze was caught by movement outside the office and James followed her line of sight to where Becker was striding past, talking into his comm device. He spared them a wave and his eyes caught James’, giving him one of the warm smiles James never saw him bestow on anyone else.

When James looked at Jess again it was to discover she was watching him with a small amount of fondness. “Of course, you’re pretty lucky as well. But I think you already know that,” she said and pushed the door open to leave.

There was a time when James suspected that Jess would have said that with envy and regret and quite possibly resentment, but now all that came through was her genuine affection. And for the record, yes, James knew exactly how lucky he was.

-

Unfortunately, Jess was only the first to think congratulations had to be accompanied by hugging and sadly not also the last. Lorraine, who came in not long after Jess left, seemed as surprised by the hug as James was, pulling away almost immediately and straightening her glasses, a faint blush rising in her cheeks.

“Sorry, sir, I don’t know what came over me.”

“Well, I expect I can forgive you quite a lot,” James told her, as that was the honest truth. He had certainly never had another assistant close to even half as good as Lorraine.

“Glad to hear it,” she said, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Though I don’t suppose it would have anything to do with the fact you know I could blackmail you six ways to Sunday, if I chose.”

“Never crossed my mind.”

“Me, neither, of course.”

“Of course,” James said seriously and watched her excuse herself. Yes, nowhere near half as good.

Abby and Connor came to see him together and just as James had resigned himself to another awkward affectionate display from Miss Maitland - Mrs Temple, he was never going to get used to that - he found himself assaulted by both of them at once.

Words failed him for a horrifyingly long moment and then he said, extricating himself, “Mr Temple, if I did not wish to touch you when you had returned from a year-long absence in which you might have been dead, I assure you that this occasion is not enough to change my mind.”

Connor was grinning that wide smile of his that James absolutely never found infectious. “I thought that was just on account of the smell. I’ve showered this time, I swear I have.”

“Thank heaven for small mercies,” James said and brushed an imaginary piece of lint off his shoulder as he took another step back from them.

Abby was beaming as well, and though her smile was smaller and more contained, it was no less sincere in her happiness. “It seems like ages since you were both pretending you weren’t shagging like rabbits and madly in love with each other,” she said.

“Yeah, that was cute,” Connor said before James could formulate a response. “Like they thought no one knew or something when we were all talking about them behind their backs.”

James drew himself up and said with as much dignity as he could muster, “One day I am going to discover how to banish all gossip from the workplace and I will be hailed as a hero across the country.” That would get him his knighthood, surely.

“Pretty sure you’d have to start with sacking Jess, so good luck with that.”

“Don’t you have work to do?”

“We’re leaving,” Abby said, but instead of doing so she squeezed James in another hug for long enough to add in a soft, private tone, “No one should have to be lonely.” When she drew back her blue eyes were full of a sentiment James could recognise and she took Connor’s hand as they walked out, tangling their fingers together.

James didn’t even bother to feign nausea. Clearly he was going soft. He blamed Becker.

That wasn’t the end of it, either, as James discovered when Danny accosted him at lunch. Danny was just being an arsehole, James was sure of it.

“You know, I’m a fair hand at planning--” Danny started once James had shoved him off.

“Do be quiet,” James interrupted, feeling faintly queasy. “I went to a lot of trouble to reinstate you here and it would be a shame for it to be a waste.”

Danny only laughed and said, “You ask Becker to tell you my ideas, maybe you’ll change your mind.”

“I sincerely doubt that,” James muttered and had a blessed half hour of peace before Matt decided to be sociable.

Thankfully Matt was restrained, limiting himself to a dignified handshake and a “Good luck with him, James, I imagine you’ll need it.”

Emily, coming through the door to join them, said, “Oh, I think he’s had quite a lot of practice by now.”

“Yes, I should think I know by now what I’m getting myself into,” James agreed.

“And I should also think you can handle anything thrown at you with your usual aplomb.”

James couldn’t help but preen a little at the compliment. He wondered that he had ever considered Emily an unwanted nuisance when clearly she was brilliant.

Matt’s mouth was twitching like he was trying to maintain his typical bland expression but almost couldn’t manage it. “Shall I leave you two alone? Seems a bit quick to be cuckolding Becker.” He paused. “And me as well. How rude, not even having the decency to do it behind my back.”

“Don’t be vulgar,” Emily said, though she appeared more amused than anything. She shooed Matt towards the door and made as if to follow, before turning back. She swiftly kissed James’ cheek before bustling off and James did not allow himself to feel touched, not at all.

-

When the knock came at his door, James thought it was Becker coming to make him go home. He raised his head, not letting himself smile like he wanted to, but it wasn’t Becker.

It was the very last person he had expected to see.

James reluctantly waved his hand and Ian Russell came inside, halting in front of the desk and looking like he was about to make a situation report to his commanding officer.

“Lieutenant,” James said. He wondered what the chances were of this being ARC-related. He wasn’t particularly optimistic.

“Sir,” Russell started, voice soft. “Sir, I wondered if we could talk? I’ll only take up a minute of your time.”

James hated how much this reminded him of a day more than a year ago that he desperately wished he could erase from his memory. He nodded.

Russell appeared nervous, clutching his hands behind his back and tension radiating through his limbs. “I know you don’t like me much, sir, and I certainly don’t blame you. I just want to offer you my congratulations and hope that you know I mean it.”

“You came here to say only that? Perhaps a card would have been easier.”

“No, I… Sir, I know that what happened between us is in the past and I’m sure you’d like to keep it that way. God knows I’d rather forget it.”

When Russell paused, seemingly hoping that James would take up the thread of conversation, James didn’t oblige him. He was quite content to let the man stew a while in his own discomfort. In any case, he couldn’t fathom what the point of this was.

Eventually Russell continued, as it became clear James wouldn’t do so for him. “I don’t want to be the bad guy here any more, sir, that’s all. I want you to believe that nothing made me happier than knowing Becks was marrying you. I never wanted… I didn’t know, sir, and maybe that was on me, maybe I should have seen it.” He stopped, swallowing, his blue eyes flickering to the ground before coming back up to rest on James’ face. “No, it _was_ on me. Whatever problems you were having back then, I still should have known you were important to him.”

The pause in Russell’s monologue stretched on again and this time James did fill the silence. “I fail to see what point you’re trying to make.”

Russell exhaled. “I’m crap at this, I know. I’m only trying to say that, you have to understand, I hadn’t seen Becks in ages. I didn’t know how much he had changed, I didn’t know that he was building something with you. And I never wanted to wreck that, I never would have… All I want is for you to believe that I want him to have you, I want you to be happy, so that I know that I…”

“You’re trying to ease your conscience, is that it, Lieutenant?”

Russell’s cheeks coloured. “Yes, perhaps. Maybe it’s selfish, I don’t know. For so long I didn’t care if you hated me, I knew I deserved it and I’d much rather you’d hated me than put it all on Becker. But it kind of sucks, to know that someone you respect, someone your friend loves, hates you that much. I suppose I’m tired, that’s all. You can go on hating me, I’ve certainly earned it, but I only wanted the opportunity to try to explain. That’s it.”

He started to leave but he stopped again, halfway to the door. He was no longer looking directly at James, his gaze half-focused somewhere on the back wall. “I never thanked you for letting me stay. I kept waiting to get transferred but then I never did and I know that’s down to you. Thank you.”

James found that he was unable to wrest his own gaze from Russell’s retreating form, from the tight way he held his shoulders. He said, “I don’t hate you,” and knew that it was true. Maybe it had been true for a while.

He thought sometimes that he could see what Becker had seen in the man, why they were friends, why they were _still_ friends in spite of everything. Certainly it took a decent sort of man to try to make peace. He knew that he didn’t know the whole story of what had happened and Becker at least didn’t seem to feel Russell was owed any resentment.

With the benefit of time and distance, James knew that there was plenty of blame to go around without making Russell into some sort of villain. James had done enough foolish things where Becker was concerned to admit the hypocrisy in hating Russell for the same. It would have been easier, he thought, to hate Russell. Easier, but more cowardly.

James wasn’t a coward.

Perhaps he wouldn’t go so far as to say he liked Russell, and perhaps he never would, but he didn’t hate him.

Once more Russell stopped, framed in the doorway. His eyes alit on James, his ridiculously full mouth in a tiny “oh” of surprise. “Thank you, sir,” he said, the smallest bit of tension sliding out of him, and then he walked out.

-

James sat staring at his mobile. There was one call in particular that he knew he shouldn’t put off and that he also knew he shouldn’t be so terrified of making. It was embarrassing, actually, and he was better than that. He dialed and waited for Agatha to pick up.

“Hello, James, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you. How are you?”

“Fine, Agatha, fine. I’ve just got some news. I’m…” _Oh, out with it._ “Becker and I are going to get married.”

Agatha’s response was, to say the least, not what James had expected. “It’s about bloody time!”

“Pardon?”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but honestly, I could have told you ages ago that Hilary was the person you wanted to spend your life with. I’ve been waiting for you to get your head out of your arse long enough to make sure that happened.”

“You seem quite certain that it was me mucking about.”

“Yes, you have a point. Hilary can be a bit dim sometimes as well. I’m sure it was both of you.”

“I have always appreciated your honesty.”

She laughed. “You’re quite welcome. Really, though, do you know when I knew for certain? When I came to see you while he was in hospital, all that time ago. You were such a mess and the way you looked at him while he was sleeping… I hoped for weeks that you would figure things out.”

Of course after hearing that, James couldn’t help but remember a night in bed and an accidental proposal that hadn’t quite panned out. He remembered the unexpectedness of it and the way it had been so easy to agree. They had been through so much together in the preceding months, James’ brush with the future predators, their fight, and then Becker… It had all helped James to be able to admit to himself exactly what Agatha had said. “I would have married him then but Becker didn’t want to.” He didn’t know why he’d said it but Agatha had always been able to get him to talk about Becker in a way he did with no one else.

“So that’s what he meant,” Agatha muttered. She continued, suddenly serious, “I’m sorry, it isn’t any of my business. I shouldn’t have made fun.”

“It’s all right.”

“Do you… do you want to tell me about it? You know I’ll always listen.”

James didn’t say anything right away. It was funny that it was easier to talk to Agatha, to be open with her, now that they weren’t married (it didn’t take a genius to determine that was a large factor in why they were divorced), but James still… Talking about his feelings didn’t come naturally to him and he never wanted to be a burden on Agatha, who had her own problems. James’ personal issues shouldn’t be one of them but he really had no one else. Sometimes Becker weighed so heavily on him that he thought he might break.

“I thought I’d lost him,” he admitted. “Again and for always. Not long before he got hurt, we had a fight. A real fight. He moved his things out of my flat and we didn’t speak for weeks. But we fixed it, mostly, enough so that we were still together. But then he got hurt and I thought… You saw him, Agatha. He almost died and it took so long for him to even begin to look like normal again. Every time I looked at him I would remember how close I’d come to losing him forever.” He stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Damn, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be putting this on you. I’m afraid I’ve made this call terribly awkward.”

“Don’t you dare apologise,” Agatha said, and now she sounded almost angry. “So what if it’s a little awkward? I know we aren’t what we used to be to each other but I never stopped caring about you, James, and you know I like Hilary. If it helps you to talk about this then you keep talking. Tell me the rest, please. I would swear on our children that you haven’t said any of this to anyone else.”

Wasn’t that the truth. The words spilled out of him, against his better judgment. “That November after he was hurt, we made a sort of joke, a joke about proposing, only I realised that I didn’t want it to be a joke. But Becker… he wasn’t ready for it. So I left it up to him, I said I’d do whatever he wanted, and he didn’t want to marry me. So I dropped it.”

“And how were you after that?”

“I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

“How did that make you feel?” Agatha asked, alarmingly reminiscent of a therapist. “I can’t imagine it, staying for so long with someone you love that much and not knowing if you both want the same thing.”

There was that awkwardness again, the lingering bitterness of his failed marriage. James didn’t know for certain if Agatha had been thinking of them when she spoke, but she may as well have been. But this wasn’t about them any more. “I knew he loved me, he’d made that clear.”

“That isn’t what I asked.”

“It hurt. It hurt a little.” _More than a little._ “I knew I shouldn’t blame him, that it was only who he was, but I suppose I wanted… I don’t know, something real, something clear. That’s awful, isn’t it? To think I deserved proof?”

“No, James,” Agatha said gently. “That’s normal.”

“That’s new. It’s not often that anything to do with our relationship is actually normal.” He rubbed his forehead. “It’s terribly exhausting being with a man who is entirely too young for me.” _And I don’t mean exhausting in the good way._ Though it was that as well.

“I’ll keep that in mind if I ever decide to try it,” Agatha said with a laugh. “I assume you want to give the kids the news yourself?” She let him have his joke and then she changed the subject, no pushing. Moments like this made him recall why it had been so easy to marry her.

“Yes, though I must admit to having no idea how to go about doing so.” In the background James could hear the front door open and close, signaling Becker’s arrival.

After a moment, Becker’s voice rang out, “James? Are you here?”

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Agatha was saying. “They’re all fond of Hilary.”

James pulled the phone from his ear long enough to say, “I’m in the bedroom,” before returning to Agatha. “I know they are, but that doesn’t mean they want me to marry him.”

“You’re their father, James. They love you and they want you to be happy. Promise me you won’t stress over this.”

“I’ll try.”

It was the best he could do and that would have to be good enough.

He hung up as Becker came in, nodding at the phone. “Were you speaking to Agatha? Did you tell her?”

“Yes,” James replied, accepting Becker’s quick kiss hello. “She expressed her happiness at the fact we’d, in her words, finally got our heads out of our arses.”

Becker grinned. “I love your ex.” He sat on the bed beside James and leaned their shoulders together. “Did you tell the kids as well?”

“No. I’d rather do that in person.”

“That’s probably best.”Through the slight contact between their bodies James could feel Becker’s sudden, minor increase in tension. “You don’t think they’ll mind, do you?”

For Becker, James would have said or done anything to stop him worrying. So he dropped his hand on Becker’s thigh, squeezing, and said, “Of course I don’t. You know I still wonder if they actually prefer you to me.”

He just wished it were that simple.


	5. Chapter 5

Lester was visibly apprehensive about how his kids would react to the prospect of him marrying Becker and if Becker was being honest, he was concerned as well. He knew that they liked him well enough by now, but it was one thing to see your father’s boyfriend every now and again and entirely another matter for your father to actually marry said boyfriend.

As for Becker’s own family, he knew they would be thrilled. That wasn’t even an issue. The problem, rather, would be the no doubt exhausting extent of their enthusiasm.

After careful consideration, Becker nixed the idea of telling his family over the phone and decided to invite them over for dinner at the flat so he could make the announcement to them all together. He thought that he would rather face them all at once and simply get it over with instead of having to do it one by one. Most importantly, perhaps, if he did it that way then Lester would have to suffer through it with him. If they were going to be married, they had better get used to sharing in each other’s misery.

Of course, the problem with Becker’s plan was that he never had his family over for dinner so they all knew straight away that something was up. Lily did her best to wheedle it out of him on the phone and Maria took to guessing, coming up with increasingly outrageous possibilities. Becker wondered whether any of them suspected the truth but were hesitant to actually broach the subject with him. His family did occasionally show some tact, usually if they were concerned about their forthrightness disrupting Becker’s ‘fragile emotional state’, as his mother liked to say.

The day arrived inauspiciously enough, though Becker found himself frequently half-hoping that some disaster would occur at the ARC and they’d be forced to cancel. So sorry, such a shame, we’ll have to reschedule some other time.

The world hated Becker, however, and nothing happened. He could never get an anomaly when he actually wanted one. He almost - _almost_ \- begged Russ to pretend he had a family emergency so that Becker, being the excellent friend and head of security that he was, would have to step in and cover the late shift for him, but ultimately decided that leaving Lester alone with the Becker family was far too cruel a thing to do to his fiancé.

“Should we have a plan or something?” Becker asked while he pretended to make himself useful in the kitchen while Lester cooked. “I feel like we should have a plan of attack.”

“We aren’t going to war, Becker,” Lester said, stirring the risotto. “It’s your family.”

“That is entirely my point.”

“How about this? One of us will say, oh, good news, we’re sure you’ll be pleased, we’re getting married. Everyone will ooh and ah and offer their congratulations and that will be that.”

“Don’t mock me,” Becker said and scowled.

Lester had the audacity to laugh. “I’m not mocking you, love. I’m telling you, it’s really that simple. No need to make a fuss about it; we never have before. If we start making some sort of flowery speech they’ll think we’ve taken ill. _I’ll_ think we’ve taken ill.”

“I suppose,” Becker begrudgingly admitted, but he let himself have a sulk all the same.

Becker’s family all arrived at once, like a crowd of too loud, over-enthusiastic harpies, plus Mark. Becker loved Mark. He was pretty sure he would have been driven insane without Mark years ago. To be honest, he didn’t know how Mark hadn’t been driven insane by Lily years ago.

“Oh, you’ve redecorated,” Becker’s mother said, walking into the living room uninvited and casting her eyes about the place.

Lester arched an eyebrow and Becker suddenly remembered that, so far as Lester knew, none of them had ever seen the flat. Oops. He shrugged in Lester’s direction and hoped this wouldn’t bite him in the arse. It’s not like it was his fault; he’d been wounded at the time and he couldn’t get his mother or his sisters to listen to him even when he was in full possession of his faculties.

“Yes,” Lester said politely. “We felt it was about time Becker had more of a say in the place, considering it’s his as well as mine.”

“That’s adorable,” Lily said, smirking.

_Fuck you,_ Becker mouthed at her and received a rude hand gesture for his efforts.

“Still, you must have had final say,” Rosie said, stepping in front of the painting on the back wall. “Becker has awful taste and this looks great.”

Lester made no attempt to hide his amusement at that and Becker only rolled his eyes, saying, “Love you too, Rosie.”

Maria had paused in front of the mantelpiece, looking at the framed photos, and beamed at Becker. “Oh, you kept it! That one I took of you at Christmas, it looks perfect here.”

Becker flushed a little as the rest of them all crowded around to see and then proceeded to, as Lester had said earlier, ‘ooh and ah’.

Mark clapped a friendly hand to Becker’s back. “I’m pretty sure you and James are the best thing that ever happened to me. You draw all their attention straight to you, it’s amazing.”

Becker decided he took it back. Mark wasn’t actually all that special. He was kind of a prat, to be honest.

“Why don’t we head into the dining room,” Lester suggested. “I’ll open a bottle of wine.”

“I certainly hope you have more than one,” Lily said and swept past.

-

“Well,” Becker’s mother said, looking around at all of them as they ate. “James, this is so lovely, thank you.”

“My pleasure, Aida,” Lester replied, giving her that smooth smile he used when he was with people he wanted to impress. Like he even needed to try to impress Becker’s family - they liked Lester better than they liked Becker, he’d swear to it.

“But now let’s get to the point, shall we? No need for inane pleasantries, we’re all family here. Well, mostly.”

Becker blinked, setting his fork back down on his plate. “Mum?”

“We aren’t idiots, Hilary. Why don’t you just tell us what you brought us here for?”

“And it had damn well better be what I think it is,” Lily muttered darkly, earning a quick, fond rub to the back of her neck from Mark, who was clearly sitting back and enjoying the show. He’d been privy to their particular brand of madness for quite a long time now, you see.

Lester’s smile was smaller now, but more amused. He lifted his shoulders in a tiny shrug.

Becker sighed. Lester was probably right, the direct approach was best. “We’re getting married. That’s what we wanted to tell you.”

Maria squealed and then covered her mouth with her hand, cheeks flushing bright red. Lily said, “Oh, thank God,” and finished her wine while Rosie just smiled serenely at everyone.

Becker’s mum, though… “Mum, Christ, what are you crying for?” Becker exclaimed, pretty sure that what he was feeling most was appalled. His mother cried for things like Becker getting shipped off to a warzone and Becker almost getting eaten by a dinosaur. He didn’t see how this compared.

She dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. “I’m just so happy, darling. I never thought I’d see this day, you’ve been such an idiot about it all.”

“Thank you, as always, for your honesty.”

She stood up, as apparently the dinner was now abandoned, and Becker resigned himself to another round of hugging. He let her squeeze him nearly breathless, while she sniffled into his collarbone.

“Hilary,” she said. “Hilary, you can’t know how much I wanted this for you, how much I wanted you to be happy.”

Becker was a bit touched in spite of himself and returned the hug with more genuine feeling. “It’s all right, Mum. I know.”

His mother sniffed again and pulled away. “James, darling, come here,” she said, drawing Lester into a hug. “You wonderful, wonderful man, I could kiss you.”

“I wouldn’t mind, but your son might have a few objections.”

“Yes, I might,” Becker said and cut in, curving his arm around Lester’s waist. “No one gets to kiss James but me. Especially not my mother.”

“Aren’t you the possessive little boyfriend, Hilary? It’s so sweet,” his mother said, patting Becker on the cheek.

Becker scowled, any warm feelings for his mother fully dissipated, and went over to Mark, as he was clearly the only sane one in the entire lot.

-

After that, there were only Lester’s kids left to tell, most difficult but probably most important. Lester and Becker ended up taking them out for dinner, somewhere nice but not too nice, as David frequently had difficulty containing his enthusiasm. The twins clearly could tell something was up and Becker caught them doing that creepy silent communication thing they did in between giving him and Lester looks.

It was Julia who finally broke first, a few minutes after their meals arrived. “All right, Dad, what’s going on? You only take us to dinner on special occasions, when you’re trying to apologise, or if you’re worried we’re not going to like something you tell us. As far as I know, today’s just a regular day and none of us feel we’re owed an apology, so what is it you want to say?”

Lester sat there blinking at her while Becker covered his urge to laugh by taking a bite of his steak.

In what was probably a bid to stall as well as an attempt to collect his thoughts, Lester took a sip of wine. Then he said, “How would you feel if I told you that Becker and I were going to get married?”

The kids stared at him like he was speaking another language. Finally Julia said, “You mean, have an actual wedding? Or a civil ceremony or whatever? With rings and vows and all that?”

“That’s the idea, yes.”

They were silent again and Becker tried not to fidget. Oh, fuck it, they probably hated the idea. It was fine to have him hanging around sometimes, but this was probably too much.

David’s expression was thoughtful and intent as he watched Becker and Lester very seriously. “Hils would always be around then, right?”

Lester put his hand on Becker’s knee under the table and squeezed it. “That’s the idea. Would you be all right with that?”

He grinned. “It would be brilliant! But then would I have to stop calling him Hils? If you’re married, do I have to call you both Dad?”

“Fuck no,” Becker said before he could stop himself, watching the kids snicker and feeling Lester glare at the side of his head. “Um, sorry, but no. Please don’t ever call me that.”

That seemed to have cut the tension completely. Julia said, “This is great, Dad, really. I’m happy for you both.”

Lester’s smile held a note of relief as he nodded at her, but his eyes flickered to Henry, who still hadn’t said anything.

“It doesn’t change anything,” Becker blurted out to fill the silence. “I’m still just, you know, Becker. That bloke your dad keeps around for some strange reason.” Christ, he was an idiot. What the hell was he even saying?

“You aren’t anywhere near as cool as you look like you should be, are you?” Henry asked, obviously rhetorically.

No one was more amused by that than Lester.

-

They stayed at dinner long enough for the kids to have dessert, which turned into Becker and Lester having dessert as well because once David started chattering about all of the choices, Becker hadn’t been able to resist the raspberry swirl cheesecake. He’d generously shared it with Lester, though, despite the faces the kids made when they passed the same fork back and forth.

Back at the flat, Lester gave in to David’s desire to watch a movie and the twins were in a good enough mood to join them. Becker was starting to think that maybe this actually would be okay, maybe the kids honestly were fine with it. He didn’t really know what to do with that, but he was settling on being relieved.

David went to bed with a hug from Lester while Becker hovered just behind them. “I love you,” Lester said, brushing David’s hair behind his ear. He always looked like he thought he was stealing these moments with David, storing them up like tiny treasures. For when David wasn’t around, and probably for when David grew up. It made Becker feel sad even as he loved watching them together.

“Love you, Daddy,” David said as Lester moved back.

“Night, David,” Becker said, preparing to follow Lester out of the room.

But David sat back up, getting onto his knees at the side of the bed, and suddenly threw his arms around Becker. “I love you, too, you know, Hils.”

Becker clutched David to himself, his heart hammering in his chest. When he spoke, his voice sounded hoarse and almost unrecognisable. “I love you, too, David.” And he meant it, fuck, he actually meant it. How had this happened?

David extricated himself from Becker’s grip and lay down. “Good night!” he said cheerfully, closing his eyes.

It took Lester insistently tugging at his arm for Becker to move. He shuffled out of the room, his limbs feeling weirdly heavy. He still hadn’t looked at Lester’s face.

In the hall, Becker watched Lester close the door and then warily raised his eyes. There was something a bit wild in Lester’s face, predatory and possessive all at once.

“I love you,” Lester said fiercely and pulled Becker into a kiss that was all lips and tongues and too much teeth, but Becker really didn’t want to complain.

Becker leaned back and felt Lester’s warm breath against his face. “Everyone loves me, apparently,” he said, and then he laughed. He laughed and laughed because it was all ridiculous and amazing and he was going to fucking marry this man, this man with the kids he’d been terrified to meet but whom he could hardly imagine life without now.

“You are so weird,” Henry remarked as he passed them on his way to the bathroom.

Lester scowled but Becker just kept grinning. He was okay with weird.

-

Becker awoke with the dawn. Lester was curled warmly around him and it took him a moment to force himself out of bed. He stretched his arms overhead and walked over to the window, peeking through the curtains. The day looked misty, the clouds threatening to open up, and though Becker had always enjoyed running in the rain the idea of ending up soaked to the skin in the November morning chill wasn’t all that appealing.

He made his way into the kitchen, thinking he’d have a glass of water and set the timer on the coffee machine so it would be all ready for Lester. “Shit,” he exclaimed, catching sight of Julia perched on the counter.

“Sorry,” she said, ducking her head. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d grab something to eat.” She held up the nearly empty bowl of cereal in her hands.

“No, it’s fine; you startled me, that’s all.” Becker opened the cabinet to get out the coffee grounds and a filter. “Did you have a nightmare or something?”

“No, just… I don’t know, I didn’t feel all that tired. Thinking too much, maybe.” Julia hopped down off the counter and went to put her bowl in the dishwasher. “Don’t tell Dad I was sitting on the counter, okay?”

“I won’t.”

Julia closed the dishwasher and then leaned back against the counter, her eyes fluttering down Becker’s chest and then swiftly back up.

It occurred to Becker that he was standing in his underwear in front of Lester’s teenage daughter. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t think anyone would be awake, or I would have put some trousers on. And a shirt. Also I’m sorry I just cursed at you,” he added.

“It’s okay. It’s your flat.”

“Right.”

“My friends would be so jealous of me right now, though,” she said with another downward flicker of her gaze.

Becker was forcefully reminded of his sisters bringing friends over on holiday and how they would giggle obnoxiously whenever he walked by. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I just want you to know how happy I am you live with your mother.”

Julia laughed. “I’m sure you are. Anyway, I didn’t get a chance to really speak to you yesterday, and I wanted to…” She hesitated and then bridged the gap between them, drawing Becker into a hug. “I’m glad you’re getting married, Becker. I’m glad my dad has you.”

“Thanks,” Becker said, his chest feeling strangely constricted. How did he care so much about these kids? He had started out caring for them for Lester’s sake, his affection for them an extension of his affection for Lester, and somehow he’d grown to care for them simply because they were themselves.

“I’m glad for me, too, you know?” Julia said, looking up at him. “I like having you around. It’s like having another brother, but one who’s always nice to me and actually knows things.”

Becker laughed. “Oh, how I wish I had that on tape so my sisters could hear it.”

“Maybe when I meet them, I can tell them what a great guy you are.”

That was a strange thought, his sisters meeting Lester’s kids, but obviously it was going to happen now. The idea of it wasn’t as scary as Becker might have thought it would be. Rather, it seemed natural. Inevitable. “I’d appreciate that.”

“Consider it done,” Julia said and took a few steps back. “Um, and Becker? He won’t tell you, because he’s a twit, but Henry feels the same as me. I thought you should know.”

“He does?”

“Yeah. It was… hard for him. I mean, it was for all of us, but I think especially for Henry. He and Dad have a weird relationship. But he likes you.”

“Thank you, Julia. What you guys think means a lot to me. I don’t think I could go through with this if I knew you weren’t okay with it.”

“I know. That’s a big part of why we really are okay.” She smiled, mischief dancing in her eyes. “I can’t wait to tell my friends you’re getting married. You wouldn’t believe the way my dad shot up in their estimation the first time they saw a photo of you.”

“Um,” Becker said because, well, what the hell was he meant to say to that?

“I’m not sure they quite believe me when I say that I don’t fancy you at all and that you really are like a big brother to me. Not that you aren’t lovely,” she said hurriedly, like she was afraid Becker might take offense. “It’s just that knowing you’re shagging my dad dulls your attractiveness. A lot.”

Becker pulled a face. “I’m sure.”

The sound of footsteps approaching the doorway got Becker’s attention and he turned around in time to see Lester walk inside, looking like he’d rolled straight out of bed and into the kitchen. Lester before coffee and Lester after coffee were like two separate beings, it was hilarious. “What on earth are you doing awake?”

Lester rubbed a hand through his hair, making it look even worse. “Bed was empty.” He was actually pouting, it was so adorable. And Becker was never thinking that again, Christ.

“My God, you two are so sappy it’s disgusting,” Julia said with a roll of her eyes. “I doubt getting married is going to do anything good for your codependency issues.”

Lester was giving Becker a look that said, _Do something about that._

Becker shrugged as he conveyed, _She’s your daughter._

“Oh my God,” Julia said again. “I’m out of here. Try not to start making out in the kitchen, there isn’t even a door for me to close on you.”

Becker watched Julia’s retreating back and said, “That’s your fault, you know.”

“I know,” Lester said sadly.

He looked so pathetic with his messy hair and bare feet, in his dressing gown, that Becker just had to kiss him. He couldn’t stop himself saying, “I love you,” setting his chin on Lester’s head and wrapping his arms around him.

“I should hope so,” Lester said and kissed Becker’s neck. “The real question is, do you love me enough to come back to bed?”

It was a shit day out anyway. Becker decided his run could wait.

**_End_ **


End file.
